To Smile as You Pray

Today I took part in a retreat offered by Brother Elias, author of Tears of an Innocent God: Conversations on Silence, Kindness, and Prayer.

We were practicing the Jesus prayer. Our eyes were closed, we were breathing in deeply and out slowly to the count of five, just barely whispering the name “Jesus” on the exhale. After doing this for a minute or so, Br. Elias said, “Now continue, but with a smile, just barely, like Mona Lisa.”

While continuing my Jesus prayer, I turned the corners of my mouth just ever so slightly upward, maybe not even enough for anyone else to notice.

Suddenly I was filled with a sense of joy and delight.

After another minute, we had completed our brief practice and I was stunned. How was my experience changed so drastically by a small, slight smile?

It made me wonder how I normally come to prayer. What is my usual countenance?

Then I had another even bigger thought: What do I think God’s countenance is like?

I wonder if perhaps the reason I often struggle to quiet my mind for a few minutes of silence really isn’t because of the many items running through my mind (I am good at keeping lists and those business items will still be there after my prayer time). Rather what if I lack understanding of how truly delightful it is to simply be in the presence of the One whose countenance toward me is love.

Wait a minute… do I really believe that? Do I believe the God of the universe delights for me to spend a few minutes in quiet with Him? Do I believe He smiles?

I know this theologically. I know He loved us first (1Jn. 4:19). He loved us so much that when the penalty was owed for our sin, He became man and took our penalty Himself. I KNOW all of this, but do I ENGAGE Him with intimacy as if it were true?

We must constantly remind ourselves and one another that we are His idea! He is the one Who wanted to create us. And He had to move people like our parents into place to make it happen. He is so pleased with us regardless of whether we believe we deserve it on a particular day.

Silence had a way of revealing our countenance and what we believe about God’s. If I keep talking in prayer, I don’t have to consider such things. I am too busy to notice the state of my soul because I am too busy talking. But in silence I cannot hide my countenance. It is laid bare.

The next time you practice silence, centering prayer, or the Jesus prayer, try to smile just ever so slightly. Notice if your countenance changes.

I will be curious to hear about your experience.